Real Life

Starting Anew

Smiling no matter what.

Life is often funny. If you do not see the humor that is the never-ending cycle of what your life is or the life around you then you are truly missing out on a lot of things.

I’ve grown so much through the years. Especially when I hit my 40’s. So many people dread them, but they have been my saving grace. I have found my purpose. I started and finished my bachelor’s degree at the University of Kansas during a global pandemic. Apply for a job that I never thought I’d ever get. Being an English language learner aide. Coming from the corporate world adjusting to the way the Education system works has been somewhat challenging.

Now, I am working on my Master’s degree in Education. I hope to be certified soon. The one thing I have realized in all of this is that I may be single, but what is the meaning of being “single”? I’m not lonely. I’m not afraid to go out for dinner alone. I enjoy walks on my own. Shopping just for myself is rewarding. I’ve realized in my journey that there are many definitions of “single woman” versus what society thinks when they start to explain the single life to everyone who cares to listen.

In my journey, I am also questioning the idea of a relationship. What makes your relationship better than others? Even the idea of marriage does not hold a lot of weight with me. All of these ideas change as I learn how to be more myself, more of who I’m supposed to be.

To the outside world, I’m a sad, lonely, single Latina woman who doesn’t have money in the bank, barely any gas to last me two days in my car, food I picked up from Catholic Charities, and a body that is struggling to lose weight, but is breaking down piece by piece. Even with all of that being true, minus the sad and lonely part I am the happiest I’ve been in a long time. I feel like I’ve finally broken through whatever was blocking my life journey. When I walked down the hill in Lawrence, KS May 2022 showing my mother that I did it. I finally did it. This was the greatest accomplishment of my life. God has other plans. Getting accepted to Ottawa University for their Master of Elementary Education degree felt like another hurdle that I never knew I could accomplish or even imagine reaching.

Some will say luck. Changed mindset. Having more faith in God. I think it might be a full mix of everything. Yes, I’m single. Do I still have someone I can lean on? Yes, and he’s pretty perfect in many different ways with a few faults that he’s not aware of but I know they are there. Is my life still complicated? Of course! Whose isn’t?!

As I grow and learn more I’m finding my confidence to be who I am, and who I should have been all along. I will continue to find out if there is someone for everyone. Maybe there is, maybe there isn’t. Sometimes I think we need to look at the life we have and be happy with it. I know I’m happier now than I’ve been in many years.

The only thing that has not changed in my life is being broke! Ugh, that is never-ending. I need money to make it until the next payday! I’ve got Venmo!