I have been watching a new show on Paramount Plus called 1883. This story is the story of how the Dutton Family began from Yellowstone. The whole series is so beautiful and fantastic. I recommend you watch both shows.
The reason why I am writing this is particular post because I had the opportunity to watch the recent episode of 1883 and Elsa, her heartache from the loss of her first real experience with love. The thing you need to understand is the writer/creator Taylor Sheridan has this ability to write love in his shows that can make you feel it, see it, and even taste it. This is something that is special for very few writers. The ability to show their audience of how love is supposed to be even when it is just written about.
The loss of love is something many of us know and understand. Her love was killed in a gun fight. Many of us do not experience that kind of loss, but we do know what it means to lose the person our heart relied on to make us happy, whole, and to make sure we knew we were alive.
Sitting back thinking about that during my first Snow Day in a year from school, it was just proof that I can feel love in my heart. I want to feel that kind of love again, but to be honest the ideas of dating scares me so much. I do not know how to begin or if I want to even try. I know I need to get back out there, but when is the right time? Am I ready? Should I even try?
I want to look at someone like Elsa used to look at Ennis (her first love). The way you look at someone your breath practically stops in your throat, your smile warms you up from the inside, and that you get those butterflies that so many people talk about. I miss that so much. I miss it more than I realized when I saw her fall apart and come back together in the end. She “saw color again.” I want to experience that again.
I am so afraid to open myself up to anyone new because the last “love” experience I had was truly one of a kind. It made me feel so special and let out a deep breathe of “finally a real man”, of course when I let my walls down the truth of what it was came out and that is what hurt the most when it ended. I’m still working through a few things in my life to where I know I can have peace in it.
Who knows what I am talking about? I am sure I sound crazy, but that is natural for me. Let me know what you think.