Now that we have said “Goodbye” to 2021, we now wrap our minds around this New Year of 2022 and all the possibilities that it can bring. Unfortunately, for many of us we have learned these past few years that we need to walk into this year with caution and a sense that things can change at any moment.
I lay here in bed and think about the past few years and see how much things have changed. For a moment I had my own place, someone who cared for me, to never ending frustration with my life. Now, I am working hard again to finish a part of my life that had been on hold. Graduation is in May. I’m in a career that I never thought I’d find absolutely satisfying in many ways, but I’m in it to win it.
I am spiritually finding my peace with God, do I have issues and questions about some things? Of course I do, but doesn’t mean I stop loving his message. I know I’m far from perfect, but no one is perfect on this planet.
Rolling into 2022 I’ve realized that I know absolutely nothing about love. The meaning, the concept, the understanding of what love really is, what it means. I think it’s like that for a reason. Not knowing love from the very beginning of your life changes you in so many ways. It causes pain that just sticks to you and doesn’t ever let go no matter what you do to try to change it. I’ve accepted this part of being who I am. A grown woman who knows absolutely nothing about love.
That thought also brings me to my goal for 2022. Stop chasing “love”, just leave it all behind. I don’t need it, it causes so much pain. Not just emotional pain, but mental and physical pain as well. The thought of thinking of wanting to “date” anyone gives me a sense of real dread and anxiety that I never thought I could ever have. It’s sad, so very sad, but when you can physically still feel your heart break deeper than ever and no one is causing it but yourself. Something is wrong.
I just need to stay focused on my life, my world, and the super small group of people in it. I’ve got a life I am finally getting to see manifest in front of me and it’s giving me so much peace and joy. I’m ready to make it happen. I’m ready to see it as I’ve always dreamed it would be.
What about you? What are your goals for 2022?