Real Life · Relationships

Heartache and Disappointment

How much more?

You often know as you get older that you will constantly deal with some form of disappointment and heartache. The problem is sometimes you just never see it, don’t want to acknowledge it, or even at times accept it.

Why do we lean or keep things in our lives that bring us so much pain? Is the feel of that far too addicting to hold onto than it is to deal with things alone? What if you’ve been alone for so long, you’re used to it, but only allow yourself a little bit of “happiness” from time to time. What do they call that?

Oh yeah, a masochist. Nothing like it, right?

I don’t think letting go of pain is hard, but letting go of a good friendship that is reliable is what hurts the most. It’s that person who’s proven that no matter what they have become reliable in some ways. Especially in ways that you’ve never had or experienced before. That’s why you hold onto them. Deep down you know there is no love there, just sadness, hurt, guilt, pain, and more.

What will it take for your to truly walk away? To truly get through this life without having that person as your “emotional crutch”?

I know I need to do it, but because it’s comfortable I just can’t at the moment. I need to hold onto it just a little while longer. Maybe when I’m settled a little bit more in my life. When I find my happiness and peace for the first time.

Am I crazy to do this? Please let me know.