Real Life · Relationships

40, single, focused, and…..

I’m 40, what’s next?

I’m facing my 40’s single and alone. Yes, I have family. Yes, I FINALLY have my career. Yes, I am working towards getting out of debt but where is my love story? That’s the one thing in my life that has failed to come through for me.

Why is that? I know I am not the only person who struggles with that. I mean some were married, divorced, kids, but get married again! They want love, they want someone to share their life with, but I just can’t seem to make anything work. Why is that? Am I too open? Honest? Sarcastic? Pain in the ass? Too independent? Focused on making MY life better because I know in the end the bottom will always drop?

It’s not like I go into any relationship thinking, “Let’s see how long it takes for this one to walk away.” Shortest one was 6 months. The longest one was 4 years! Somehow the shorter one hurt the most. Sometimes still does. I think it’s because all my past failures come to play when I think of the shortest relationship. It shows me what I’m willing to accept, put up with just to have attention from a guy. Seriously NOT his fault! Believe me. The one thing I worry the most about is becoming “too good at being single.” You don’t want to be, but at the same time you don’t want always have that desire to rely on love.

I see so many people I know in stable, committed relationships. Moving in together, getting engaged, getting married, celebrating life’s milestones with someone who loves them. Yet, here I am celebrating my own life milestones completely alone….truly alone.

I don’t want to lose faith in that Love will eventually find me, but at the same time I don’t want it to control everything I do and am.

How about you? How do you deal with seeing people you’ve known forever having the life you want, especially having love.