Wanting to Love you…

Such passion is no lie to love

When you know you can love someone through their faults, but they can’t love you past theirs it tends to be a problem. It’s hard to understand how you’ve taken the time to work on yourself, but someone else can’t work on what is broken in their own life. Why is that?

I say this out of real life concern for others I see out and about. I watch people and realize that I want a man who isn’t afraid of me. He’s going to know that I am a fragile creature who doesn’t trust that he won’t walk away, cheat, or give me some dumb reason to make the failure of our “relationship” my fault.

I don’t know about anyone else, but those old feelings of abandonment, self doubt, and trust issues will always be a thing for me. If you’ve figured out a way to get over those then please let me know. I need help with all of that. So many times the failed relationships in my past have always ended up being on my shoulders. Naturally I beat myself up, punish myself over and over again until it’s a total scab, maybe a gaping wound that doesn’t heal correctly and leaves tons of scars because I just can’t leave well enough alone. I can’t let things die, let it go, or even just watch it walk out of my life completely.

Why do we do this? I’d love to know from someone. Please help me. I go through these mental and emotional issues at least once a month, sometimes more, and honestly it’s getting harder and harder to hold onto the ideas of what love is. The hope that I have for finding love for myself, or ever love finding me.

I know what kind of love I dream of. A man who knows that I am struggling with certain things, he doesn’t care he will be there, supporting me. Wants to go with me to family things, include me in his life. Sends me flowers for no reason at all, but will send them on special occasions also. A man who understands that being home with him is where I’d want to be majority of the time, but know that it doesn’t need to be all the time. He’d know my friends. Honestly he’d want to be there for me, just like he’d know he’d never have to doubt my faithfulness and love for him….Ever!

Does this type of love exist? I’m 40, and I’m starting to doubt it so much. Maybe it’s only in my books.