I sometimes think that making a life change one moment is great, but then again when I get there depending on the situation it changes. It changes 100%. Maybe because I hoped that people have changed, but in reality it’s just who they are.
I am dealing with a lot of personal issues that is no one’s business. I don’t tell anyone because honestly it is meant to be kept to myself. I have other things to deal with in my world than what is going on hours away from me.
My personal private existence consists of work (both jobs), school, and making sure I graduate so I can go into my Master’s Degree. I know when I look around me, I am needed by certain people but in reality I am needed to a degree and nothing more. I am not sure why I expected things or people to be different. It is always a hope, but when issues from your past comes up or the lack of mistrust flows through you again it is hard to make things clear in your mind.
Why do people do that? How do they do that? All you want is to have a nice calming life, but unfortunately for many of us it does not happen that way. I often wonder what does it take for someone to have peace in their lives. Do they have to live far away from whatever the situation is? Do they need to change their numbers, move to a different country, or maybe fall off the face of the earth…at least the continental US.
There maybe a time when I have to leave the world I’ve known, the world I was born into and experience a change in scenery and adventure. It is something I hope for deep down inside of me, but when I sit back and experience all I have and going through everything I sometimes wonder is it or will it be worth it. I can’t take people with me that I want to because he has his own life and his own world. If there was one thing I could keep forever it would be him. Other than that I am not sure where I stand in my own life….kind of.
I know when I am done with school 100% I will be able to make a life for myself, but at the same time I need to figure out where I need to me, where I want to be, and how I want to live. Thankfully I have time to decide all of that. I still want to live alone for a while, probably forever, but that is my choice. No one else’s.
God only knows where my life will go after graduation.