I often wonder what it is about a woman a man will stop in his tracks to see her, get to know her, and wants to be with her. I know men don’t look my way. If they do I am surprised, and amazed that they know I am alive. When my recent ex approached me years ago it was a complete surprise because I knew he existed, but it wasn’t like I was going to go up to him. I mean he thought I was not even 30 years old at the time. Honestly I was 35 almost 36 years old then.
I look back and look at people, especially couples and wonder, “Why?” or “How?”, and at times, “Really God!?” I do need to question the creator every now and then. If I don’t then it’s not me. Lol!
I know I’m not “normal” whatever that means, but honestly I’m just more about wanting to be loved. I want a man to look at me like my ex did when he was trying to get to know me, before everything wore off, LOL and he realized I’m such a pain in the ass in so many ways.
I think I’ll keep him as a model for the kind of man I want next in my life. I man who works hard, knows who he is, what he’s all about, doesn’t mind that I’m crazy, loves to stay in watch silly things on TV. We can sit outside by the fire pit and want to hang out with me (even if I’m doing homework) and my family because it makes me happy. He knows how to cook, keep house, take care of his life because he knows I’m doing the same for me.
That kind of man would know kids are not anything I personally want, but if he’s got some I’m okay with that and I will do my best to get along with them and their mother. I want someone exactly like my ex, but more of the emotional side, the loving side, that part of him who wants to share his life with me. I know that would make me the happiest woman in the entire world. IF I found that, I’d know I won the lottery and no other woman in the world would be as happy as me.
It sucks to know that a good, wonderful man is out there, but it’s not the same at all. I know now that I’m looking for something that isn’t real. I mean I’ve got my life moving in the right direction, finally, but I don’t have anyone to share it with. That’s the hardest part.
What do you guys thing?