I found this picture and thought that one day I’ll get the opportunity to enjoy life the way I want. Do I wish I was doing it now? Yes, but you know I never apologize to anyone for the actions or decisions that brought me to this point in my life. I feel like it wouldn’t mean as much if I just say, “Sorry” and not truly be sorry to myself.
The great thing is I am FINALLY seeing the light at the end of the educational tunnel. Senior classes at KU are all set and ready to go. Come this fall semester I’ll be apply for Graduation and get my chance to walk and do all the things I’ve been praying to do for so long.
Like always life isn’t perfect. It’s not meant to be. Do I wish I had someone by my side to be supportive and loving? Well of course, but I think I am going to have to leave that part of my life alone, and truly let it go. I mean truly let go of the ideas of ever finding the love I deserve.
I’d hate to think that AFTER I become “successful” professionally then and only then will my life finally fall back into place. If it does then that would truly suck more than anyone knows. I mean I’m 40, not ugly at all. I mean I have my moments, but oh well I guess I’m too much for a guy to want to handle.
Just need to remind myself that I am worth more than what I am doing or what I am going through. I am working still to love myself, to appreciate all my hardships and struggles. I am working to get myself out of debt on my own. I want to buy a house when I’m in my first year of teaching, which God willing will be next year.
Just trying to remind myself that I can only do one thing at a time and that I will make it, and I’ll be that strong, confident woman that I see in this picture.