If you could look at your life and think about the things that you want, need, or missing out. Take out the thoughts of your career and finances because honestly I think we are always growing in that area, but when you take stock in the love/relationship depart of our lives what do you see? Have you been successful in it or have you struggled?
I know I struggle with the world of relationships, finding love and holding onto it. I know I can’t give up on any of it, its a bad habit. When it comes to love I sometimes feel like “Rocky” when he’s in the boxing ring getting pounded by “Ivan Drago”, no matter how many hits I take in the fight for finding my person, I still get up and try again. However, I feel like now more than ever I need to just sit this round out for a while.
I look back at my relationships and my life and for the first time in a while I’ve got a good path going for my life. I know I’ll be happy and fulfilled in it, with a solid opportunity to just keep growing and learning. For once I’m not too worried about my life or my career, but that ever so looming thought of living it alone kind of hangs over the balance. I often think maybe its time to put that ugly green beast on the back burner and focus on what I need to do so I can be successful. Probably not the thing anyone wants to hear, but honestly it’s the best I can do.
After talking to a friend who’s been married for a while, and my step-sister I realized that my life is moving forward for me, but the idea of starting over with someone new after meeting someone who was pretty amazing in his own way, is going to take me a while. I’m used to putting “love/relationship” on the far end of the ladder. I know some will not understand my ex, and to be honest it is totally okay. He just couldn’t give me the one thing I wanted…Him. Maybe next time I’ll be a little bit luckier.
I know I am probably letting some people down, but to be honest I need to focus on other things in my life and maybe just maybe one day I’ll get lucky when I’m ready. I just know that right now I’m not ready. Don’t we all take a break when a relationship ends? How long do you take to heal when you leave a relationship? How do you heal from a semi good relationship? We have healing down packed when the relationship is pure crap, right?
I think I’m going to use the rest of 2020 to focus on me. Yes, I’m following matchmaking people, reading their rules, reading their books, watching their videos but honestly just like “Rocky” and his face when he’s boxing, my heart looks like that. It needs a break, it needs an honest break from everything. I need it for my mental health also, maybe that is what’s been bringing me down, maybe that is what is bothering me and not letting me be emotionally free.
I sometimes have to think of what steps can I take when I decide to get back out there, if I do. Honestly the idea of “dating” doing online “dating” gives me so much anxiety and stress because I don’t know about anyone else, but dealing with guys who all of a sudden feel “Love at First Sight” when they see my picture, or random crap. Why is it so hard to believe any of that? Maybe I’m jaded.
What do you guys think? Do you think it’s good to put your heart on the shelf every now and then? Do you leave it down with you and keep getting punched over and over again because you just can’t let things go.
Thoughts and Views from Kansas 🌻 