Have you ever heard that Elton John song, “When Sorry is the hardest word”? I’m sure it was sung by someone else, but his version is the one I remember most because it was in the Bridget Jones movie. If you’ve not seen it, please watch one and two, the third one is just trying too hard.
When ending a relationship do you ever get the need to apologize for it? Does that make sense to you? For some reason I feel the need to apologize for ending my recent relationship. There was no ugliness, just happy thoughts because honestly it ended based on a few reasons. One it was long over due, two I knew we would be best as a couple, but he couldn’t make it work on his end, and three it technically ended in 2017, so yeah LOOOOOONG over due.
I don’t regret my recent ex, he really was, and is a great guy. I know when he does find the right woman, she will definitely be so unbelievably lucky because he really has a great heart, solid head on his shoulders, and is just an all around amazing man, but for some reason he wouldn’t let me in, and didn’t love me like I loved him. Can’t do a one sided love, and expect us to be happy and healthy.
Since it’s been almost a full month of no communication between the two of us because you get tired of text messages being read, but no response. If there is a response it’s usually hours later, or even the next day. Honestly there is no reason to stick around for that, right? I know deep down in my heart I miss him. I know apart of me still loves him, probably too much, but it’s still there, in a way. I feel like because I’ve not texted him in a while that I owe him an apology, why is that? I didn’t do anything wrong. I wanted to love him, spend time with him, share a life with him, maybe not a full on marriage type commitment, but then again I knew even that step would be a great one too. Again, why does the feeling of “I’m Sorry” hang over me when I know it’s not even a thought in his mind.
Would I take his apology? Yes, but I know in the end I’d have to give him a final kiss goodbye, and mean it this time. Truly mean it because if I didn’t then I’d put myself in that messed up, never ending cycle mindset of, “How can I get him to understand I need him for….” or “I wish he would wake the F*ck up and see how great we are together.”. I mean I get that I was his “Midlife Crisis” fling, and to be honest I’m not upset by it at all. I am appreciative of it because it showed me that one day (8 years later) a guy might come up to me and ask me out, eventually. I mean I’m just going to have to wait another eight years for that to happen. I’ll be done with my degree, have a teaching job, maybe just maybe teaching at a Jr College. I know I’d be better off financially versus right now. I guess that was my silver lining moment. Looking at the positive side of it.
Oh well what is another eight years, right? Maybe I need to apologize to myself for feeling like I owe anyone anything. All I asked for was for someone to love me and more, guess it’s too much to ask for.
What do you think? Let me know what you think.
Thoughts and Views from Kansas 🌻 