Have you ever heard that Elton John song, “When Sorry is the hardest word”? I’m sure it was sung by someone else, but his version is the one I remember most because it was in the Bridget Jones movie. If you’ve not seen it, please watch one and two, the third one is just trying too hard.
When ending a relationship do you ever get the need to apologize for it? Does that make sense to you? For some reason I feel the need to apologize for ending my recent relationship. There was no ugliness, just happy thoughts because honestly it ended based on a few reasons. One it was long over due, two I knew we would be best as a couple, but he couldn’t make it work on his end, and three it technically ended in 2017, so yeah LOOOOOONG over due.
I don’t regret my recent ex, he really was, and is a great guy. I know when he does find the right woman, she will definitely be so unbelievably lucky because he really has a great heart, solid head on his shoulders, and is just an all around amazing man, but for some reason he wouldn’t let me in, and didn’t love me like I loved him. Can’t do a one sided love, and expect us to be happy and healthy.
Since it’s been almost a full month of no communication between the two of us because you get tired of text messages being read, but no response. If there is a response it’s usually hours later, or even the next day. Honestly there is no reason to stick around for that, right? I know deep down in my heart I miss him. I know apart of me still loves him, probably too much, but it’s still there, in a way. I feel like because I’ve not texted him in a while that I owe him an apology, why is that? I didn’t do anything wrong. I wanted to love him, spend time with him, share a life with him, maybe not a full on marriage type commitment, but then again I knew even that step would be a great one too. Again, why does the feeling of “I’m Sorry” hang over me when I know it’s not even a thought in his mind.
Would I take his apology? Yes, but I know in the end I’d have to give him a final kiss goodbye, and mean it this time. Truly mean it because if I didn’t then I’d put myself in that messed up, never ending cycle mindset of, “How can I get him to understand I need him for….” or “I wish he would wake the F*ck up and see how great we are together.”. I mean I get that I was his “Midlife Crisis” fling, and to be honest I’m not upset by it at all. I am appreciative of it because it showed me that one day (8 years later) a guy might come up to me and ask me out, eventually. I mean I’m just going to have to wait another eight years for that to happen. I’ll be done with my degree, have a teaching job, maybe just maybe teaching at a Jr College. I know I’d be better off financially versus right now. I guess that was my silver lining moment. Looking at the positive side of it.
Oh well what is another eight years, right? Maybe I need to apologize to myself for feeling like I owe anyone anything. All I asked for was for someone to love me and more, guess it’s too much to ask for.
What do you think? Let me know what you think.