Since I’ve not heard from the last guy in about 3 weeks, it falls under the category of “He’s just not that into you…Anymore” kind of mindset. It’s something I’m all to familiar with.
Now that I’m feeling and finding myself personally it’s definitely apparent that somewhere the stars let certain guys know that I’m single. Honestly I’m in no position to be with anyone right now, but it’s nice to see that someone does want to talk to me. Other than that I’ll hit the breaks on any guy so quickly before they get the idea of moving forward. Mentally, emotionally, even Physically I’m not available to be with anyone.
In the past the idea of being “Single” was as bad, mostly for a woman. Like something was wrong with you, that you didn’t have your life together, and what was so wrong with you that you couldn’t find someone to put up with you. As the years have gone by, the idea of all of that has gotten better, but it hasn’t gotten any easier. All those ridiculous dating apps that end up being a total failure in so many ways doesn’t make this technology driven life any better.
I don’t look at being single as bad. I look at it as taking time for myself YET AGAIN, and pouring all my focus into my education like I did in 2011-2012 when I graduated with my Associates Degree. I did it then, I’ll do it again. It will be helpful to not have distractions because I just changed my ENTIRE major from a Corporate Life to an Teaching Life. I’d rather have a more fulfilling life than chasing after the money. With all that is about to come, it would definitely make things even harder than before.
With all of that, it helps now to know that I have other things in my life to keep me occupied, and not so focused on being single, yet deep down in my heart I do wish I had someone who wants me as much as I want him, but that is something different….right? I guess now that I have my wants/needs/pro/con list figured out (Finally) making sure I stay focused on me and my life will grant me the ability to stay real.
I truly want someone who is a man of God, who will go to Church with me, who will be present at family events, Church events, be patient with me when I’m dealing with school. Let me still make my own mistakes and not judge me for it, but just still love me and talk it out with me. Let me curl up next to him to take his body heat as I read a new book, or do some writing. He will know my little quirks, like I’d know his.
I just feel like now that I’m 39 years old, and I’ve got my professional life figured out I’m smiling more, I’m happier, I’m not as stressed out. I’m not going to beat myself up with the fact that I didn’t figure it out when I was younger because honestly we all walk down a different path than anyone else. No judgment okay.
Is it this difficult or is it a dream? So many people are living their dream life, and in love with their dream person why can’t I have that as well? Let me know what you all think.