So I started taking inventory of my life, my wants and needs. You guys know because of my last blog. Last night I had this moment where my cousin was complaining about having to rely on her husband for things. It got frustrated with her. I told her politely, “Look be thankful that you have a husband. I’m getting sad looks, and ‘oh bless your heart’ comments from people that think they know me all because I’m a single 39 year old woman who doesn’t even have a solid boyfriend in my life, let alone a husband.” Yes, I deal with that A LOT and it is totally annoying AF!!
She finally stopped complaining about her husband after I said my peace to her, told her to suck it up and get over her issues. I laid there in bed thinking of what kind of marriage I wanted. Now, I know we as women think about our wedding day. I’ll get to that in a moment.
I realized that throughout all of my self reflections lately, I want to be married. I want to have someone with me 24/7, 365, but only if it’s the right person. It has to be the right guy that I know can walk this crazy life with me. A man who is a Godly man, who has zero issues being at Church with me, and be with me at family events and more. I think as I am getting closer and closer to being 40 years old I’m realizing that since my life goals are changing professionally, I know I want my personal life goals to change as well. Let’s just leave kids off the table please, I know I can’t handle them in my 40’s unless your Chris Evans or Sam Heughan, then I’m all about popping out those babies for you!! LOL!!
I know Married life isn’t an easy one. It’s filled with ups, downs, frustrations, resentment (depending on the couple), and wide open communication between the two people. I am wanting all of that. I know I’m an impatient person, but at the same time if I have someone who is willing to calm me down with a zen type attitude, then I know I could be calm in so many ways. I know I’d be super supportive of him, and listen to what he’s got to say, or if he’s having a bad day let him walk it out, and then come to me.
As for the Wedding, as you can see I love BLUE everything!!! The dress is my ideal style and color. I dream of a small Courthouse style wedding, but in a private location. Six maybe seven people the most, no huge wedding party. I will however have those blue Manolo’s, oh yes I will have those shoes. No big fancy reception, just a small picnic table with food and a small cake to cut into. After a year of marriage then and only then will I do a huge party….Maybe.
I dreamed of my wedding day last night and I woke up with tears in my eyes because I’m missing the major piece to my life….the RIGHT MAN!!! Emotionally I’m ready for him, but I need to be ready for him Spiritually. There needs to be those connections because no more casual sex for me. I am totally 100% over it all. It brings nothing but pain and emptiness. I don’t need it anymore. I want something that is real and that will last.
Do you think about your wedding day and your marriage? Do you have dreams about it. I’m praying that I’m not left in the dark with all of it, but find real happiness in the end. I’m just keep praying, especially now that I have the direction for my Professional life set and ready to go. I’m praying that my Personal life will follow.
God willing! I’m ready to be loved like I see so many people around me at Church.