When someone tells you, “Faith like a Mustard Seed.” What does that mean to you? Have you ever heard of that?
I have a found myself questioning that Mustard Seed. I have my moments when I truly believe in that level of Faith in God, but I am human and I question so much of myself mentally and emotionally. Don’t we all?
When I left the Catholic faith, I entered into a Christian faith, Bible based lifestyle, that isn’t any form of relation to religion. It doesn’t make sense to anyone, but if you are interested in finding out more, message me and I will fill you in. Other than that I occasionally question my levels of faith inside that little tiny seed.
It isn’t anyone’s fault, it is my own. I look at my life and realize that I’ve taken a beaten (like so many) but 99.99% of it was all my fault, while that small 1% was the fault of others. At least I know it. My life has taken about 15 steps back from where I was, yet I am just taking it day by day because I know deep down things will get better. That is where that tiny bit of faith comes in.
God made sure to give me one HUGE blessing that I’ve been praying about daily for the past four years. Going back to school. I got word last month that school is completely paid for! Classes, Books, and if anything is remaining it is all mine. I mean I can’t believe it because I don’t have to have any additional debt! It was the most amazing news I could ever have. That right there took four years of prayers from me and from a ton of other people to make it happen. That is why I am counting down the days until school starts, August 25th!
As for the rest of my life I feel like this is where I feel like I am testing my trust and belief in that Mustard Seed. I have questions about why God puts me through this or that, and I often wonder if He’s made a mistake with issues inside my brain. I mean we know God doesn’t make mistakes, but deep down when your brain is in the middle of a process, it gives a lot of self doubt. They say that is the devil, but that guy is busy ruining other peoples lives let’s give me a breather.
I try to not be selfish about keeping that level of faith when it comes to other areas of my life, career, finances, and men. I often struggle with the fact that other’s have those things all together along with their education and I am missing out. Why do I compare myself to them? They tell us not to because not everyone’s life is perfect, this I know, I never try to project that I am 100% put together, because I am not.
Do you struggle with keeping Faith in hopes that your prayers will be answered? I know we are all part of that instant gratification lifestyle, but in reality I just want to see things chip away to a level of positivity in my life. School did, what about the rest of me? I’ve been praying for a better job that will allow me to work for them while I work on my degree. Plus I am always praying to break down my special man’s super hard/tough/heartbroken walls that he’s built around his heart and head.
What about you? Do you struggle like me to hold onto that little seed? Is it something that reminds you that in reality that is all you need to stay faithful to God? To stay true to his promises? Maybe I am the only one who struggles with this, but I doubt it.
Let me know what you all think.