I starting think about these two meanings last night and this morning. It really hit home that I am Alone in this world. I know it seems like I have tons of people around me, and honestly at times I do, but 90% of the time I am pretty much alone in my life.
There are moments when I do get lonely and wish to be with people or someone. The problem I am having is that they don’t want me around, they have their lives, their calendar’s full of things, but are unable to make space for me. I’ve kind of gotten used to that life, sad I know, but that seems to be the norm for me.
I have gotten to the point where I am not going to worry too much about what others are doing, or how they are doing because honestly not many people do the same for me. It’s like I am annoying or just a thorn in their side.
I started wondering what would be the cure for any of us who suffer from this kind of world? Is there one? When I sat back I realized that there was no actual cure for this type of lifestyle or existence. I don’t want to force myself to spend time with people. I don’t want to just barge into their personal space to be accepted. Maybe this is why I’ve escaped into the world of books. Learning to read as a young girl helped me find myself or figure things out through the written word.
Funny how when you feel alone in the world feeling like yourself in the written word gives you a better sense of comfort and also feeling accepted with no questions asked. You learn about love, hate, rage, loss, and so much more within the world of books. I guess it really explains why when it comes to being around people I feel the odd one out.
Now because of my type of work inside the world of Hospitality I’ve had to overcome all of that and then just go back into my private world of existence. It helps and hurts all at the same time because I look at my life (often, sad I know) and realize that yes I am alone, and will probably always will be alone, but I’ve accepted being lonely as well. I will watch other peoples lives from behind my protected walls and books.
It’s obvious I’ve not been able to meet anyone who can accept the fact that I am “On Show” when I need to be, but I’d prefer to be inside away from the world with him and my books. Maybe a really good show on Netflix or Disney Plus, LOL! A lot of my friends have told me that I will meet someone new when I go back to school. I just roll my eyes because honestly that isn’t my goal or plan. My goal is to finish my degree and get better job. Men can wait, then again that’s what I’ve been saying since I was 20 and as I get closer to 40, I’ve definitely put men on the back burner for so long that I am now oblivious to them.