Real Life · Relationships

Judgmental Relationships: Them or In our Head?

Do you ever think about your past relationships? Do you sit back and wonder if they were ever judging you based on what you have not done like them? Like if they had lived your life they would have done things differently, why didn’t you do it like this or like that? I sometimes think about that because it’s something we all think about when relationships fall apart or if your current one is falling apart because of some issue. Take a walk with me on this one.

If you are of a certain age and you don’t have your degree, a good paying job that you’ve been at for years, established credit, or maybe a few kids. Do you think a partner judges you on all of that? Do you think the gage you based on accomplishments and look down on you because of failures? I often think that many of my relationships (NOT POINTING FINGERS) have the habit of looking down at me. I know the baseball player didn’t look at me like I was normal because of large family, plus I wasn’t ready to sleep with him at the time.

Ex No. 2 the difference between he and I was I came from a more affluent family and he didn’t Culturally. I am educated, he really wasn’t. I had goals and ambition of what I wanted to be and wanted to do with my life that didn’t include kids, he really just wanted my money and wanted kids. That relationship was not built on anything, but really just social connections (mine) and my drive of willing to work two jobs, go to school, while he wasn’t sure what he wanted to do. It was a relationship that really was missing the spark that I crave so much. The only good thing that came out of that relationships was my cat Oscar, I got him in the breakup.

Now my most last relationship was different because what he has the degree, the home, the career is something I’m wanting myself personally and professionally. Sometimes when I am comparing certain things of myself to what life says we should have by the time we are of a certain age gives us a sense of feeling inferiority to our partners. Now, non of this is his fault, this is all me, but sometimes I often wonder if the thoughts in his head is, “This chick is crazy, why has it taken her so long to figure this life out?” now I know he knows I am crazy in a funny way, but I have to often wonder if he thinks I am less than the other women he’s ever dated. I know he would never tell me that, and to be honest this is just me thinking all of this, my ex isn’t like that.

I know my recent ex is a good man, in fact he has the heart to prove it that’s why a piece of me still loves him because he IS a good man, and a great friend. Yet, I often wonder if I’ll “Increase MY Eligibility” as a woman to other men once I’ve obtained my College degree, stayed at a job longer than a year, set myself on a better, stronger path to be financially independent, my own home, and have gotten out of debt (car/student loans) in a way they have. Do you think men look down at women who haven’t gotten their life together?

I don’t say this to be negative about my past relationships, but I often wonder if those guys ever looked at me in a negative way that I probably wouldn’t be surprised as to why they left the ways they did. Cheating -1, Taking my money -2, and finally just wasn’t ready -3. I mean I don’t blame him I am a handful, LOL!!!

Do you think society or it’s just us who puts these pressures on us and puts these thoughts in our heads? Do you judge your relationships? How can you stop doing that? What will it take to break that mental cycle of never feeling like you are enough? How can we encourage our partner, be positive with them?

If you all have ideas please let me know because this is something I constantly struggle with. I mean I know I’ve made bad decisions, left good jobs because of things, and I live with family, and have just struggled to have and keep a job. Although my credit has looked better now than it has in a while, LOL, there is hope. Let me know if you all have any advice.