Funny how we all go through phases or stages in our lives that make us hit rock bottom, only to bring us back up. Now it may not be the top of the mountain, but by God you are getting close, right? I hope I am. I can see all the little steps I am taking in my life to get me to a point where I am starting to get more comfortable with certain stages in my life. I’m not there just yet, but one day at a time.
My personal life has always been an up and down mountain, or a full on pain in my ass. I can never seem to make things work out the way I hoped they would, but to be honest from everything I’ve learned about myself and my life to make something work at this point is like beating my head up against a brick wall. I really need to take life and love for what it is, and just keep things casual.
I love the idea of one day living on my own. I’m already making plans for that to happen. I am still not sure if I want someone in my space 24/7. It is definitely on my mind every so often. I wouldn’t mind coming home to someone after a long day of work. You know dinner is ready, I take my shoes off and my bra and I’m home. Drink my glass of wine, scotch, beer, or whiskey (whatever is in the house) to just decompress from the day, and relax. Not everyday, everyday, but every once in a while it would be so nice. Yet at the same time I just love being able to be in my own place, drop all of stuff off at the front door and walk to my room leaving a trail of clothes behind until I’m back in my pajamas.
The funny thing about it (if you’ve not figured it out) is I am my own mountain of life contradictions at times. I know I need to finish getting out of debt (almost there), work on being better at my job, start school in the fall, graduate, and all at the same time manage some sense of life when all I want to do is go home, eat and sleep in front of my television. LOL, that is sad, right? I’m not much for going out, it costs too much and it makes me have to be nice to people.
I guess now in my life, my late thirties. I’m looking forward to moving my life at my own pace. Not really being that involved in a lot of things, but of my own choice, and honestly to keep myself removed from those in my family who love to create drama. I just want to live a calm, simple life where I have access to the remote control. LOL!!!