Well today is my birthday, I am officially 39 years old and honestly I’m so unbelievably hopeful that things will get better. I am trying my hardest to be optimistic about my life, but old habits are hard to break.
Anyway I used to think, dream, or wish the type of birthday’s I wanted. I often wished I’d get flowers delivered to my job. Wake up with flowers outside my house, or something silly like that. Even if it was just friends, but if it was a lover or a significant other I always hoped he would make it a big deal because I’d give him a free pass on Valentines Day.
I’ve never had a guy plan a birthday party for me, make my birthday special, or make me feel special on my day. It’s always been up to me to make it my own. Every relationship I’ve ever had has always been a total let down because that was the one day I always looked forward to.
I used to dream and wish that IF I was with someone, and we didn’t live together, he would swing by my place, drop off flowers with a little card. I’d see them and instantly know they were from him. I’d go about my day at work, and I’d get another delivery of flowers. Then before I get off of work he’d call or text me, “Hey when you get off of work go home, change and meet me at (my favorite restaurant), I’ll meet you there.” Afterwards you can only imagine the kind of fun we would have. That right there has always been a dream of mine to have. Unfortunately it’s never happened.
Now, if we lived together then it’s different. Coffee when I wake up with a little card. Then flowers delivered to my work, and dinner together at home just the two of us. Naturally some small gift, but nothing crazy or expensive. I mean a new journal, a gift card to Amazon, or a shopping trip to Barnes & Nobel (now that can get pricy, LOL!!) but just something super simple.
I am so hopeful this year. It’s all I’ve got. I’m closer to getting out of debt, getting my car refinanced, and also starting school this fall. I’m really praying I don’t do anything stupid to screw anything up in my life I just seem to fall into situations that I can’t get through, or even understand half the time. My current job is really teaching me about Humility. Maybe that is my word for my 39th birthday…..Humility.
What about you? Do you give yourself a word to describe the next phase in your life? If you need a word, pray about it then own it and grow with it.
Thoughts and Views from Kansas 🌻 