I write this with a heavy heart. For the first time in a long time I am not sure what my path is anymore. I lost my job on Thursday, just after I came back from being out of town visiting family. Now I am currently on the hunt for a new job.
The only thing I have noticed is that since I’ve moved in with my uncle my life has been so miserable. I’ve hit so many road blocks, and also had more failures that I’ve ever had. I don’t want to say it’s his fault, but I am starting to see a pattern here.
Now, for the first time in my life I am completely lost and unsure of where to walk or where to go. I keep my faith in God that He will get me through everything because honestly without Him I wouldn’t be standing and posting this today. My depression tends to get the best of me.
I’ve see my world crumble because of people who have agenda’s against me. Be is to hurt me personally (failed relationships) or to hurt me professionally. Many people have made me the villain in their story, and to be honest that isn’t what I was trying to do or be. All I ever wanted was someone to love me, and to feel accepted by others who I considered to be possible friends. Little do I realize that they would be the one’s to walk away from me. When people show you who they really are it shouldn’t surprise me at all, yet it comes from people I never thought would ever do that to me.
Anyway I am now facing a crossroads in my life. Do I stay in Kansas City or do I leave? Do I start somewhere else where no one knows me at all, where I can make new friends, make a new life, have new experiences or do I stick around looking for myself here in a state I know is falling at my feet.
I guess I am just waiting to see what’s next for me. I honestly have no idea what I am doing, where I am going, or what my life has in store for me. I am just praying for a great outcome this time. I’m tired of feeling like I’m not enough for this life or for anyone else. It’s all I’ve ever felt my entire life. That I am not good enough when I know I am.