So last night I wrote about how I feel like I’m not cut out for relationships. I started thinking more and more about it today and to be honest I really think I am not. It isn’t sadness that is coming out of my voice, but really disappointment in myself because I see so many people in relationships who take them for granted, and or take advantage of what they have.
I’ve never been that type of person, but I do believe in Karma. I knew my past relationships would be total disappointments because not one had ever shown me that the relationship was worth saving or keeping close, maybe even willing to work on it.
One couldn’t keep it in his pants. The other one looked at me like a work-horse meal ticket kind of life, and well the last one was a different. I am still not sure how to classify the last one because he was so unbelievably good at everything he did.
The red flags is something I miss completely. I am not sure why everyone else can see the signs but we who are in the mix of it can’t. Are we all so desperate for love, being in love, or just being with someone that we start to miss all the signs?
I am learning that at almost 40 years old that I am just going to have to walk this life alone. Some people have told me it is best that way. I look at them and realize, how low have I sunk in my life to think that I’m willing to live my life without love, passion, sex, and human connection to just have peace.
Does it make me happy? No, not at all. I’m actually dealing with a lot mentally and emotionally because for some reason I don’t seem to meet any guys type or standards for wanting to make things work. Am I the only one who feels like this? How do you deal with disappointment after disappointment over and over again. Does it make you feel like you can’t get anything right in life anymore?
We all need love, we all need connection, we all need someone to come home to at the end of a very long day. Someone who will just be there to listen to matter what. Why is the simplest relationship request the hardest one to find?
Anyone else struggling with this besides me?