The joys and pain of being a writer, your brain hardly shuts up or off when you need it to.
I am laying here in bed, I’ve been binge watching a show on Netflix, and I’ve realized that I tell myself I know what I’m looking for, needing, wanting, and totally deserve in a man, but do I really know what’s best for me in that area?
Laying here I realize that I am horrible about making love decisions. I can make decisions about school and what I am studying. Yet when it comes to love and wanting a solid relationship I am screwing it up with this idea that I know exactly what I want.
Is this a new level of doubt? Am I totally second guessing everything I think I stand for? I wonder if I truly have no idea what would make me happy. I mean maybe my requirements on my list maybe too long for some guys.
I don’t want to think so, but I’m not sure anymore. I’m just not sure (face palm). Ugh I really hate this!
I’ve had this conversation with myself for the past three or four hours. Sad I know but honestly it’s the only way my brain can digest anything. Plus making a list helps.
I think in 2020 I need to take a step back and re-evaluate what it was that made me attracted to someone. Obviously focusing on certain ex’s not all of them, but really appreciate the lessons learned from them. I’m going to have to make sure I put in a lot more effort for my life, work, and school when it starts. Maybe leaving my “relationship lists” fly free in the air.
Then again maybe I’m just rambling, I have no idea! (Face Palm!) ugh!