Forgiving Self

With two weeks left to go in 2019, you have to take a moment to make sure you take stock of your mental, emotional and physical activity. Think of it as a full restart for the new year. What do you hope to change? What are your goals? What steps are you needing to make change for all of that to happen? Also, if you are struggling will you finally admit that to yourself and ask for help?

I know 2019 has been a year of ups and downs. They came in so many different ways. Ups for work, finding peace about my health, finally taking charge of my finances, and getting myself a plan for school. The downs have been a major lesson, it always goes back to love. I’m not good with relationships, but losing love and finding it again in a different way with my beautiful nephew, it helps heal some parts of my heart just not all of it.

I know I’ll get there where I feel whole, but it’s going to take time. Don’t beat yourself up if it doesn’t happen overnight. Like all wounds, a broken heart takes time to heal as well. Allowing yourself to have reminders, set backs, and all of that, well we are human and we fail, but at some point you (including myself) has to stop pouring salt on those wounds. We know if we just let them air out, leave it alone they will go away on their own.

Letting go of good love is difficult, letting go of bad love is hard. Knowing the difference is the key. I starting thinking I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone again. I often say, “Third strike I’m out.” Honestly I need to really stick to that motto. I seem to be striking out in the “love” Department when everyone else around me is truly successful.

Figure out who you are, what you are all about, what you want in life. It’s the only way to truly see yourself as you need to. If you walk through this life single, make up for it in other ways. Yes, we were not created to be alone on this life, and the thought of never having someone by my side for the good and bad days is really hurts my heart, because it wasn’t where I thought I saw myself at 38, almost 39 years old.

I’m gonna take 2020 for what it is, a new start, a re-birth of my life and myself. It’s all I have in the end, me…just me. I hold no hate towards anyone who’s done me wrong, it does no good to do that, but to forget is something that is a lesson. I’m going to work on noticing red flags better, going to make sure I don’t put myself in a situation where I can see the same things happening again and again. I have to develop new ways to find fulfillment in life.

What do you think?