Can you really be healed after a lot of pain? I ask myself this when it comes to the Christmas time season. I have so much heartbreak in my life that started as a child. Most people do not think that their childhood would bring up trauma, but in reality it does.
There are memories I have forgotten and or some that I have blocked out completely. All of those memories and pain have definitely molded me today in so many ways. Some of those memories should have stayed locked away and forgotten.
Relationship heartbreak is nothing new to me. It is something one gets used to, but I’ve finally realized why I am always back and forth when it comes to marriage and possible spending the rest of my life with someone.
It was Thanksgiving day when I realized at that moment that heartbreak followed me the day I was born. My parents were never supposed to be married, but because of customs and some traditions they were. I wasn’t created from love, but from duty. My parents would have horrible fights, sometimes physical. My fathers words were enough to last a lifetime. I remember my father telling me,”You were supposed to be a boy.” Definitely something every child needed to hear. I guess you can say a few things stuck with me and established my self worth.
As I’ve gotten older my relationships with men have always fallen flat per se. I meet them, we connect,things go great, then all of a sudden things happen to us, and they want out. Now some have made their own choices of how they’ve exited, but how they ended were not of my doing. Yet I learned from those as well.
I am learning yet again how to get through heartbreak. It seems to be my life’s never ending issue. Not exactly sure why or how I got that lesson card handed to me, but i often wonder if there is a moment when you realize that it’s time to stop putting your heart through all of that mess? I mean is love really worth it?
If anyone can tell me how relationships are supposed to work for the better so that someone would want to stay with me permanently, I’d greatly appreciate the help. I feel like I’m missing something real in my life, and all the heartbreak I’ve gone through and experienced has just hindered me from finding that one person who would love me as much if not more, as I would love him.
Do you think someone would be strong enough to know that this person is damaged by their past, and yet still be strong enough to make it all work.
Let me know what you think.
Thoughts and Views from Kansas 🌻 