I just read an interesting article about men and how they fall in love especially if they are “Nice Guys”. It was talking about how men who are the nice ones actually fall in love in so many different ways, either too fast, too hard, and or comes with relationship baggage that they have not dealt with. Could it be that “nice guys” do set themselves up to fail so they can try to make themselves be the “bad boy” to experience a relationship differently?
I sat there reading this article and I found their six descriptive lists interesting for example: “Nice Guys beat around the bush”, “Nice guys have a ton of ‘women burned me’ stories”, “Nice Guys don’t respect your boundaries”, “Nice Guys have misplaced values about sex”, “Nice Guys rush it”, “Nice Guys are pleasers”. I didn’t think about these ideas or views until I read this article, some of them I may have to either agree or disagree.
I love Nice Guys, they are always the one to know how you take your coffee at their home, or at Starbucks. They are considerate of your needs inside and outside the bedroom, but they also come with the need to always make you happy, but in the end always end up doing something to hurt themselves because they put your needs before their own. I honestly think that some “Nice Guys” do need to be a bit selfish when it comes to relationships.
There are some “Nice Guys” who rush the relationships way too fast. I’ve had experience in this area (online dating only), there was a guy who was so nice, we didn’t really have a lot in common, but he was funny. The more and more we had conversations he started talking about marriage, and me being a step-mom to his daughter, and being responsible for half of everything he is. I froze up so fast because it freaked me out, I’m the kind of person who takes things one step at a time, and I put the breaks on him so fast that he was angry and called me “The Devil” I didn’t say no to that, but at the same time I just blocked him. Look I am on the fence way too much to even think about Marriage. I have my moments when I think of getting married, and then I have my moments when the idea of marriage is just too much, and I’m happiest with just a simple committed relationship where we have our own space, but are committed to each other.
The other two topics that spoke to me was, “comes with relationship baggage”, and “misplaced values in sex”, to be honest those two are the biggest ones I’ve come across. I don’t think it’s their fault, but I think it’s something they’ve never had their moments to re-evaluate how they view sex and their past.
Many men do not want to think about their past relationships, understand where those went wrong, or if someone was to blame, if they even want to place blame on someone because some “Nice Guys” will end up taking the blame for themselves without any thought. I always say those are the ones who are the most broken, but will keep their walls up because they are afraid that the new relationship will be just like their last one, but they will always look for those faults in her just to point them out and or to give them the opportunity to bail when they feel like she’s about to do something.
As for the “misplaced values in sex” I often wonder about this one because are those the guys that think having a 3-way will fix everything? Why not talk to your partner and ask if you could add some light BDSM, or maybe even anal sex to the relationship? I mean you just never know how it will be taken to make it work between the two of you. We are all sexual creatures by nature be it with a man or a woman.
When it comes to the “Nice Guys” I think can fall under the same category for “Good Girls”, we all face our own issues as well, but try to learn our lessons. I know I do, but when you find the right one, and he’s not in the right frame of mind to keep the two of you going the “relationship” can feel one sided for sure.
How do you overcome that? Let me know what you think. I know I could never go back to dating “Bad Boys/Men” after having one who was/is a “Good Guy” he has completely elevated things to a whole new level that it’s now what I crave so much.