Do you ever feel like when you end something, the other person moves on faster than you? Should they be able to? How is it possible? This is when those crazy ideas pop up in your head of all the things your ex was holding back from you. That’s when you think, “Do I believe the little voice of doubt, or do I ignore that a-hole?”
I think for me the best thing is to ignore it. I feel like there is so much else I need to focus on it’s not even funny! I’m hoping to kick 2020 into gear by living in my own place again!!! I realized that I need a lot of things, but I can get some later as well, but I need to make some moves soon before I go crazy staying longer living with my uncle than I need to.
I don’t want to continue to feel stuck, but the longer I stay in my current living situation I feel like I will. I think a new place, a new space, will give me the mindset of feeling like I can let the past pains of this past decade go. I can start new.
I want to be able to be open to love, to be free of having to share my space with someone, to be alone. There really is a difference between the two. Being alone vs being lonely. I am alone most of the time, but thankfully work takes up a lot of that. I just want to be in my own space and be able to be and do what I want when I want without someone there.
Maybe a new life in 2020 will help me move on as well. If all of my ex’s can move on, find happiness, someone to love them, maybe my time spent with them could have helped, but then again I just want the same thing, my own happiness and love.
I know I’m not fully settled, but I’ll get there. I’m just figuring this life out one day at a time. I’m sure God will get me un-stuck soon enough. That way I can move on.