Hopeful Changes

When you meet someone knew you laugh, smile, flirt, but if you don’t feel those connections or any level of chemistry then there is no point in moving forward with them, right?

I’ve often thought at this because I’m very suspicious of anyone new in my life, especially a guy. I always watch my back because past issues dictate levels of protection for self. Life lessons have taught me that trust is a big deal, when my father broke my heart abandoning me, and just making it easy to walk away. The next relationship was just the fact that he couldn’t keep it in his pants. The other one was just wanting my money, and never wanted to work. My goal in life has been a variety of things, from my education, to my work, to my life.

My love life would be different, at least I hoped it would be. I never knew what it was like to be “romanced” I’ve only received flowers from a guy once, but it ended up breaking my heart later on. I sometimes believe that I am truly cursed, like all I am good for is sex with men. I mean depends on the guy and if I find him remotely attractive and have that connection, then I’d think about it, but to be honest if I was single eight years before the most recent guy, then I’m pretty sure I can go another eight and not blink.

I’ve realized that being single, alone, and just living my life works best for some reason even though I miss the idea of having someone there to just hold his hand, love on someone, make him laugh, and watch just random things.

Being brokenhearted in life is something I deal with, something I am familiar with. I don’t know why it comes to me like some warm blanket when it isn’t the blanket that I want.

I hope I don’t end up alone, but in reality I hope I find someone who can be with me through the thick and thin. Someone who can put up with my busy schedule, life, family, and just be strong enough to hold onto me when I fall apart, or just help me silence the noise of life. I’ve always wanted someone who can just roll with the punches of my life, but in reality he would know I’d be able to do the same for him. That’s the great thing about being a woman, a lot of us are still moldable, or have learned to be flexible, and like me, I watch, observe and learn from mistakes, peoples mistakes, and more. Learn that it will help you in the end.

I still have hope for love, real love. Someone who will show me what being romantic is, make me important in his life, include me in his life, and want to be included (even from a distance) in my life.