Here I go again alone in this life. Then again I’m not really alone, am I? I’ve got work, my Nonprofit work, Church, Friends and Family. I’m alone in the sense that I don’t have someone to share my life with. Isn’t that something we all want to obtain? I don’t mind being single, it’s a life I’ve gotten very used to, it’s like an old sweater that hangs in the back of your closet ready and waiting for you to put it back on. That’s me, putting that sweater back on finally. It’s taken me some time to realize that I’m never going to get the kind of relationship I know I deserve from someone who hasn’t really figured himself out.
Now, I will never say one bad thing about him, because there really isn’t anything bad to say. He’s a good man with an amazing heart, good head on his shoulders, and loves his family. What more can a woman ask for, right? He will find someone who’s on his level of life, and expectations. Unfortunately it’s not me anymore. I want more from life and love.
I had to meet with a food and life guru, she’s pretty kick ass! We talked about all kinds of things, and the one thing she brought to my attention was my lack of relationship, and my ideas of what kind of love I am actually looking for. She told me to give her a list of things that I would want in a relationship. I told her, “All I want is someone who has time for me. Knows that I work crazy hours, has family, and wants to participate in family gatherings.” She looked at me and said, “What the fuck, that is really simple. It’s not complicated, putting too much on the other areas of a relationship that most people go for.” At that moment we both said, “Money.” Right then I knew this chick was the real deal.
When I left I realized that what I ask for from myself is that I get up, do my work, live my life as best as I can, pray to God that He will get me through everything, and that I can go home to my cat. I’m not sure what else one can ask for when it comes to life. I mean really do we have to complicate it so much? It’s hard enough, why can’t we be with someone who elevates the simple things that one is already asking for? Time.
Have you ever wondered what makes you happy in a relationship? Do you want the big fancy life or do you want the relaxed life? I’m always for the relaxed life, here is what I mean. Dinners do not need to be fancy, they can be made or take out. Picnics are awesome, strolling through the park, hanging out somewhere you can have a bonfire. Breakfast and coffee in bed, working out together. Watching TV together and the both of you (or one of you) fall asleep because your body and mind are at peace. Laughing at stupid stuff, or maybe laughing at each other. Trusting one another that the two of you do not need to be complicated, but simple.
I guess my time being alone three years ago helped me truly figure out who I am. I’m a mess on some days, but other days I’ve got it figured out for at least five minutes, then I’ll figure out the next thing. I just want to be able to be happy, loved, and protected by someone who wants to be at my level of relationship life. I’m realizing that no matter how old someone is, that doesn’t mean they are anywhere near to where you’d think they should be or hope to be.
Do you know what I mean? Have you ever taken stock of your life and what you are all about?
Let me know.