Is it possible to have fear of who you really are on the inside? Do you take time to really do a deep dig inside your heart and head? I am totally guilty of living inside my head a bit too much. I know it is a bad habit, I know it causes me to create my own heartache, but can I just bleed my pain out and move on?
I know my reality, and my real self. It took me time to get there, but I’m not afraid or ashamed of who I am. I am a straight, Christian woman, who loves people. I support people who are LGBTQ, and those who want to come to the US for a better life. I don’t support hate, I will not stand for injustice, and I want to protect kids as much as I can from baby to young adult! I believe it’s my right to chose what I can do to my body, it’s my right to not have any children, but it’s my responsibility to care or help someone who needs it. Look I know I’m poor, financially speaking, but I am so wealthy in other ways.
Do you know who you are? Do you know what you stand for?
Relationships are complicated, they bring issues in when you weren’t looking for them or really needing or wanting. I used to think if I ever met the right guy, and he accepted me for who I am inside and out, crazy Latina and all I would do the same for him! Little did I know that making something work out was just as hard as knowing that you will be single for a very long time. Deep down in my soul, that realization has been by far the hardest one to accept.
Being single between relationships that is easy. You take time for yourself and work on you, your life, your goals. When someone comes into your world they bring a better part of themselves into your life, a chance to make it better, right? Oh God please let this one work, right? Yet, you truly worry that if you share too much of your reality to this person then they will see all the deep dark cracks of your life, that you would look totally different to them. Maybe you actually are not worth their love.
We have to own our cracks, brokenness, and all those little things we’ve locked away never to open ever again! I know I’m such a deep Pisces, I love the idea of love, we feel it all, but because we do want that love that is out there because we see it, when it slips through our hands we form another crack in that idea of happiness and love. Those cracks get so deep, and spread to meet the others that were already there, but because they’ve been bandaged up, those cracks have a stopping point, unfortunately they are still there.
How do you deal with your real self in or out of a relationship? Let me know!