Why did I put hope into something that wasn’t going to work?
I have to stop believing in the idea that love really does conquer all. It doesn’t when it’s only half assed by one person.
I’m so used to heartbreak, feeling alone, and I know better than anyone what it’s like to really be alone in this world. You forget that for years it was just me, myself, and I.
I often get tired of people saying, “There is always someone out there for someone.” I look at them and think, “Maybe there isn’t? Maybe some of us unlucky ones are meant to be alone forever.”
Why is that? What did we deserve to get that unlucky pick in our lives? This is when I often get mad at God. He is the creator of everything, why am I dealing with this life on my own, while others are not? How did he think I would be totally okay with being alone, no love, no affection, no attention, nothing!!! I can’t live my life as a nun! I’m not perfect.
Honestly these guys on Facebook and Instagram are driving me CRAZY!!!! How do you find my profile? It’s private!! I’m not interested in your life story, I’m sure it is sad, but majority of them are widowed, their wife has died in some tragic accident in a car or something, and they either have no kids or left with a couple or their kids died in the accident as well. Look I’m not heartless at all, I am sure it happens, but not as often as these guys tell me on Instagram or Facebook! I maybe looking for love, but I’m not desperate.
Why did I think you were going to be different? Maybe because you are, or you were, but in the end you turned out to be just like the rest of them. I fell for it like a fool thinking we could work everything out and be our own unique couple. Unfortunately again you showed me that I’m not anything to you, I’m not ever going to be anything like I hoped and prayed for.
For once in my life I want to be enough for someone. I’m so complicated and often times an idiot, but I’m real. I’m not fake at all, but I’m always getting sucked in by men who don’t want me for anything real, just one thing only.
I’ve done the soul searching for myself years ago, I’m done! I know who I am, I get that I am needy, we all are in some kind of way. I just wanted to be enough for you and your family.
Joke is on me every single time.