Real Life · Relationships

Setting Relationship Rules

Do you ever wonder why we set life rules, but never set relationship rules? Are you one of those people who do that? I try to set rules for my life, as goals to obtain, but naturally I fall short on a lot of them.

I noticed recently after talking to someone that we never really set any relationship rules, you know those rules that define who and what we are as either a couple, or FB’s when each other need something. Realizing this after talking to him, I started to think that maybe I need to make the rules for us. I need to be the strong one to take the bull by the horns kind of thing and tell him that this is what we will be, is that wrong?

My hope is to remind him that HE was the one who initially told me that he didn’t want to have a committed relationship with me, he was not in the “market” for that, and that he couldn’t love me like I deserve. We ended it, and eventually got back “together”, then ended it again, then “back together” kind of thing. Frustrating I know.

So now, when we “hang out” it is only for sex. He gets what he wants, and I definitely get what I need (yes he is that GOOD!!!). However (squirrel) how is it he missed the signs of what we really are? I understand, so should I have said something? Should I have laid it out on the “table” per se so he doesn’t feel the need to fit the title, “Boyfriend”, but then again I often wonder in the back of my mind if he wants his old life back. I have zero doubt that he misses being married, having his house, his boys around him anytime, and just a sense of what looks and feels “normal”.

I also think about how he maybe over his “midlife crisis” kind of deal. I know every (most) men go through it when they hit 50 years old, but could he be on the downslope of us?

Maybe I will put it out there for him: Look.(insert name here) I know you don’t want a “relationship” but we are still friends first and foremost. What we have currently works for us, we text each other, we don’t really involve each other in much of our lives, do I like spending time with you? Yes, of course. I hope I make you laugh, smile, and we have great conversations. I am fully aware that we don’t go out on “dates”, it isn’t who we are, but maybe one day we will start again. I leave that up to you. We have done this back and forth dance for going on two years, we are looking at our 3 gala, 3 New Years together. Do I keep holding on for more? How much more are you willing to give without me asking? What do I need to do to make myself look more favorable in your eyes?

I think we need to ask each other these questions often, even if it is to ourselves. It wouldn’t hurt at all. Thank about it.