Real Life

Is it possible?

I often wonder if it is possible to hate your life? Thinking and over thinking of this thought, I can honestly say, “YES!” it is absolutely possible to hate your life, level of existence, and more. Sucks to say that, but to be honest when bad things constantly happen to you with a small, very tiny glimmer of light and hope it tends to bring your daily mentality, and health down so much more.

I feel like my life is a never ending joke to someone. I mean broken home, broken relationships between my parents and I. Zero connection with my siblings, and we will not go into the fact that I can’t keep a functional relationship with a man going. Yes, let’s add that into the mix of how much I hate my life. Also, my father feels the need to verbally accost me every single time we accidentally run into each other. Keep in mind I do not live in the same area as he does, yet I work out here (both jobs) he always feels the need to verbally attack me every single time! At the end of every single one of them I want to cry, but I don’t. I keep myself together and always respond, “Have a blessed day and blessed life.” then walk away.

There are so many other things going that I am trying my hardest to stay somewhat “positive” in my life. I had a moment to speak with a publishing company about my manuscript. It was a happy conversation, but because I have no money it isn’t possible to publish something I want.

I am fully aware that it all looks like I am crying, complaining, and more, but honestly why can’t I admit that I feel like a complete failure on a daily basis. Where is that wrong? I am admitting that someone has placed a black cloud of bad luck on my life since day one, and to be honest I’d love for it to go away. I’ve had enough of it for 37 years. Not sure what I need to do about making it go away, anyone have any suggestions please let me know.