It has been a few days since I found out about ex #2, it took me a while to finally feel like I’m going to be okay. Yes, I had a moment where I was so angry with God for many different reasons. I felt that I had a right to be angry, then sad, and now I know I’m going to be okay. It doesn’t mean that I’m completely okay with how everything has turned out, but just okay is enough I guess.
I’ve decided that it is best to make peace with my past. I mean I’ve tasted the best kind of relationship someone could have ever asked for. I mean, it meant more to me than anything. I was truly happy. I guess that will have to keep me for a very long time. The problem is keeping faith that the right man will eventually come into my life. I mean I only seem to attract idiots, lazy guys, or amazing one’s that just want me as a FK buddy, yet won’t be honest about it.
I’m throwing in the towel of life when it comes to finding love. I guess it is easier for me to just give up. I mean I’m not actively looking, I never look for love. I always wait for it to find me, I’ve never had much luck with being out there “chasing” something that doesn’t want to be found.
Right now I am dealing with the fact that the Universe loves to mess with me on a daily basis. I see things that automatically remind me of ex #3. No matter how much I pray for it to change, for the signs to stop, they just don’t. Yes, I do have dreams that he will wake up and realize that we were perfect for each other, that I wasn’t demanding anything extra ordinary out of him, but just him. Guess that was still too much
The messed up part about it all is I was telling an uncle that I’m about to get a t-shirt made that says, “#SpinsterLife” he started laughing, then he goes into his “wise” old man words, “Don’t worry mija, I’m praying that God will open the right door for you. Things will workout for the better.” I started laughing, “Please pray about something else in my life, like an increase in my salary, because it’s apparent God doesn’t want me to be that happy.” kind of a funny conversation with my uncle who is a Pastor. LOL!!!
Nothing like coming to terms with ones level of existence, or lack there of.