Once the anger leaves your body for whatever situation you are in, next comes hurt. There is hurt that lingers. This sucks so much because I need an F’g break from hurt in my life. I can’t seem to catch a break from any form of heartache.
If I wasn’t already dealing with heartache to start, the hurt feels like a knife stabbing me in my heart. It never seems to stop, it doesn’t go away. Why is that? I do the best I can to let it go, to leave it behind, to try to clear my mind. I beg and plea with God to take this hurt, and pain away from my life. Give me a moment to breath, to take my heart and remove the pain that I’m feeling. Now, that the phase of Anger is gone, it is the phase of hurt. It is all I feel, it is all I seem to know, it seems like it is all my life knows and nothing more.
Happiness, true happiness eludes me all the time. It’s like that “State Farm” commercial, with the old man holding that fishing pole. “Almost, almost.” but he keeps yanking the fishing line up every single time the person tries to grab it. My boss Jason actually told me that is what is going on with my “love” life. It’s like a guy is using the fishing pole on me, but yanks it away every single time they feel like things get to be too much.
This is how I see my happiness. That is why I am so frustrated, and upset with the fact that I can’t seem to find my happiness at all. I put on a smile no matter what and keep moving. I am really not needing any kind of “pep-talk” from people, what I need is people to understand why I’m angry, and why I’m hurt.
My heart needs a break, my life needs a break so much. My mental health needs a break from all of this. When will my break come?