Today is supposed to be a day full of “love” it’s supposed to be a sweet, romantic, fun, whatever kind of day for you and someone special. I’ve always hated this time of year because I’ve never had a Valentines Day that was amazing, perfect, or anything. Allow me to explain……
Relationship number one, he was a professional baseball player – a Pitcher, and well the week before Valentines Day, they have to report to training camp. In my youthful innocence I thought we would do something, but nope. He totally forgot about it, and me. I was no longer important. Lessons learned there.
Relationship number two…well we were living off my income. I was always working two jobs and going to school. I supported his dream of owning his own car detailing business. My money paid for everything. Well when it came to this particular day, he would dismiss it, or I was the one who had to give him money to get me something. So after a while I completely let it all go. I couldn’t do it anymore.
Now, as for relationship number three, we were never given a chance to have our first Valentine’s Day. He ended it before we were ever able to experience it together. Yet again, I’m in the same boat, grant it this time around I gave him the opportunity to pick me, pick us, and pick our F’d up crazy love. He didn’t. He walked away yet again.
I don’t think I’ll ever expect to really truly know how to have an amazing experience with Valentines Day. I mean I even hated it as a child because something bad always happened in my life. Just once I want to experience what I see all these other ladies experience with their amazing boyfriends or husbands.
I just have to own the fact that I never will. It was never written in the cards for me when I was a little girl, so now as a grown woman who wants to have love and happiness in her life, it’s still something I’m not privileged to.
FML!!
Thoughts and Views from Kansas 🌻 