So this topic came to mind today when I was talking to a member at the gym. A grown 37 year old man is trying out the tanning bed for the first time. I looked at him, and asked “Why?” His reply was because of this girl he’s “talking to” likes to tan, so she recommended it for him. I looked at him. I was surprised! He’s a good looking guy, takes good care of himself, has his own place, and a decent job. I started thinking why on earth do we emphasize the outward appearance to a higher standard than the inward? I mean doesn’t the type of person they are mean more then how they look?
Now, I understand we all want to look beautiful, but if our insides are disgusting (heart, soul, brain) then the outside doesn’t really matter. I told him, “I understand, look I am getting over a break up myself. You need to learn how to be selfish and make things about you. If this girl doesn’t like what you look like now, whats to say she’s going to like you 10 or 15 years from now.” He sat there, agreeing with me. I suggested a book that I am listening to. Normally I don’t do audio, but I had to with this book. It’s amazing how much it has helped me.
I told him, “Read ‘The Untethered Soul’ by Michael A. Singer. It will help you figure out where you are going wrong within yourself, relationships, and your mind.” He looked at me and said, “I actually like those kinds of books.” I wrote it down for him on a piece of paper, telling him again, “Please don’t change yourself for someone else, especially if she’s only going to be temporary. I stopped doing that years ago with the ex I was going to marry. Now, if a man likes me, he better take the good, the bad & the ugly along with it, because I’d be doing the same for him.” He smiled at me, “Okay, I’m going to get the book. Thank you so much for the pep talk, your right. Things shouldn’t be this difficult.”
I smiled at him. He walked into the tanning bed, baked for five minutes and headed out. He seems like a nice guy, but it just shows me that men go through this whole mental stage of “what if’s” before they start dating anyone. I felt sorry for him because what I’ve learned from all the times I was single and alone (still single, too busy to be alone) that you really need to take the time to figure yourself out. You need to do you. I told him, “Look I do me! No one has to like it, but I do me.” He started laughing, “I’ll have to remember that one.” I told him, “YES! Do it.”
As he walked out of the gym, any ideas of 3rd chances went out of my head because he’s never going to change, he’s going to stay the same no matter what. I pray daily that he finds happiness, but I pray for myself as well. I don’t want to be in this life alone, it gets boring. I’m done giving people chance after chance to hurt me over and over again. We all learn to let go at different times. Some take longer than others, but talking to him today reminded me that I’m single now, but who knows down the line. I’m not looking for anything right now, but maybe one day.
I hope he reads that book. He needs it, well really we all do. We have to fix ourselves before we can be with someone else. Think about it.