Funny thoughts


I think I am currently experiencing the stage of withdraw from a relationship. I am not crying anymore, over all of that because I know my heart took a risk, and it was shot down.

The feeling of withdraw comes in different forms for people. You know what they are, food, drinks, sex, whatever it is. For me the withdraw phase is I miss him, all of him. The way my hand would look so tiny in his. His smile, laughter, how voice. He does have a unique voice. I seriously think he should have gone into radio or television.

I miss the way he would kiss me, hold onto me, and even our love making. For us we didn’t care what time of day it was, if we wanted it, we went after it to each other. Like tonight, I’m dealing with so much in my head and my heart that laying next to him, having my head on his chest, would bring me so much peace, a moment of silence from all the mess I am dealing with.

He would make sure I had something to drink and that we would eat something, but afterwards, well it was all about us. The most generous lover in my life.

Trying to survive this stage of learning to be single again, is the hardest one, because you wonder if he feels the same way. Then you stop your wondering because deep down in your heart, he doesn’t! He’s not worried about you. I mean you were not what he wanted to even TRY to work through his issues.

Gotta keep reminding myself this, “I wasn’t enough. I’m never going to be enough for him to want to make it right and come back.” Sad truth that has to feel like a knife being stabbed into your heart and psyche daily, if not every single second of every day.

Not sure how many stages there are, but I know I got over the crying last week, now it’s the hardest one…withdraws from him.

This is why I absolutely avoided relationships for YEARS…8 years to be exact.

I just hope I don’t have to wait another 8 years to be with someone new. That would suck so much.