Ever wonder why things happen in your life the way the do? If you follow this blog, and read all my things, then you are fully aware that I do. I mean I really do. I often wonder why some people are great at relationships, or find it easy to meet new people, or how they keep a relationship going, and I can’t manage.
I sat in Church on Sunday, and we were in Isaiah Ch. 36, and 37 1-8. The way my Pastor explained everything was perfect, spot on. This battle of life isn’t mine to fight, it is God’s battle. I need to make sure I put Him in front of me to fight this battle for me. However I sometimes feel like people who are single are treated so differently in Church, and in the world. They love to bring up marriage, or engaged people, even those who are in full functional relationships, nothing like being stabbed in the heart over and over again on a weekly basis in front of a lot of people who constantly tell you, “Sweetie, don’t worry about it.” in my mind I look at them and say, “Yeah, lean on God.” in my heart it is breaking and crying because this life has not been kind to me when it comes to what my heart craves the most….someone to love, and someone to love me.
Sitting there looking at all the beautiful couples, the new ones, newly married groups, established couples, and the older married groups made me look at the empty chair next to me, realizing that I’m meant to be alone in this world, but I’m too stupid to see it for myself. Guess those are the messages that God has been trying to beat me over the head these past few years, and I am just now getting it. Trust me God, lessons defiantly learned here. I mean who cares what my heart craves, but it is all about you God.
I also would like to know why I seem to attract men who only want one thing from me? I must have some invisible sign on me that I am missing, “Good enough for sex only.” Love feeling like a piece of meat and nothing else.
Guess you can say I’m tired of it all. I would also like to wonder why I seem to attract men who are married?!?! Who the F does that?????? I have always ignored them because I’m not built to be a Mistress. I know my father was a major ladies man, he would flirt with women who were single, married, new relationship. I didn’t matter to him, but unlike my father, I am not getting in the middle of any kind of marriage or relationship. Why do men cheat to begin with? Why do they think all women are the same when it comes to the idea of cheating? I could NEVER do that to any man I am with. Guess that is why I’ve missed the signals when it was done to me in the past.
Oh well, time to put my heart back on the shelf, leave it there with a nail hammered into it on the wall with some strong stuff all around it so remind myself to never take that POS heart of mine out of the box. It is meant to be there according to God.