Real Life

The Truth

When the truth of your feelings come out how do you deal? You are not able to put them back in the box because honestly they have been locked away long enough. The problem is never knowing if your feelings will ever be reciprocated. Knowing your luck, it ends up being a total failure.

That is the story of my life, it is something that I have become completely accustomed to. Relationship failure. I meet someone who is above and beyond my level of life, or someone who is completely so wrong for me that I end up living most of my life out of boxes, or I meet the right guy, the perfect one, but because of whatever reason, my love for him, or just things that he has with him, it’s not enough.

I think I’m going to give love a complete and total break. I can honestly say officially that with this being my third strike in life, mainly in relationships I’m done. I can’t put myself or my heart through this crap anymore. I know I’m an emotional wreck, but to be honest it is something I could have worked out as time went by. I just want someone to be there spiritually, physically, and emotionally just as I would be for him.

My heart is completely done with the idea of finding someone who will be my better half. I’ve failed with so much personally and professionally, we can just add this to the list of failures in my life. I am starting to see now why my sister has avoided relationships like the plague. I’m just the stupid one who desires love, and to hold someone’s hand, and wrap my arms around him while I sleep.

What about you, do you hit a limit of how many times in your life you are allowed to fall in love? I can rank my past relationships by what they really were. Real relationship #1: Blinded by who he was, real relationship #2: complete mistake from the very beginning, and real relationship #3: complete perfection. All the ones in between one and two well they were there for a reason, nothing after number two because I was too focused on me, and my life. Looks like I’m putting my heart back on the shelf, and I think this time I’ll leave it there locked up, because after #3 there will never be anyone like him ever.

I’ve officially hit my quota. I’m done.