Funny how I am talking about this in 2018. A new year should bring new things, new opportunities to have an exciting new year. I mean we can start things over, make new goals, or maybe make changes.
Every now and then those pesky doubts come into play. I mean they were there yesterday, what makes one think that they will all of a sudden go away when midnight hits to kick off a New Year.
How do you deal with yours? Me…..I naturally write about it. I often beat myself up over a few of them. I know deep down I need to let them go. I need to be able to breathe a deep sigh of relief that it is all taken care of, but again I fail that constantly.
So many things effect me daily in my life. My mind just starts to play mind games inside of itself. I mentally beat myself up because of feeling like I’m keeping secrets about something that completely irrelevant in my daily life. Tell me how you would handle this, if a man propositioned you for sex, your friends, but he knows you are involved with another man. Both men know each other, but don’t really speak to each other. How would you handle it? Would you see it as a situation of having to tell your partner? I mean nothing happened, no way anything like that would ever happen because it isn’t who you are. Maybe I am making a big deal out of nothing, but it is something that has bothered me for a few days. Should I have said something?
The other thing is, in my life I am always waiting for the shoe to drop somewhere. It eventually does. It is that moment when I get a, “It’s me, not you.” kind of talk or text. When in reality just saying something face to face would be easier and best. It is always that fear that lives in my head. No matter what I do it is always there. Then again there are always flags that get thrown, and I am dodging them left and right. When you are not known by family, just a few friends, are not included with things. Should it bother me that I am seen as a non-inclusive thing? Should I be happy to not be involved with that part of his life?
Yeah, my doubts are real. There are so many more, but when it comes to trying to understand love and my place in this world. What do you think?