Idiot

Do you ever feel like an idiot when you fall pray to someone who can still make you feel weak in your heart?

I know I do. All he has to do is text me, call me, or something to make me feel so happy, and feel like I am some what important to him. Normally 24 Hours later after whatever it is, I feel like the biggest idiot when it comes to him, because it gives me this feeling that he might want to fix things, he might give a s%€#t about me.

What a horrible cycle I am dealing with, and it’s no ones fault but my own. Yet, I wonder if there should be any blame on him as well. Think with me on this, he has been stringing me along so he can get what he wants, knowing I’m stupid enough to give it to him, yet he’s so unbelievably kind as well, just enough to keep me around and wonder “what if” yeah he knows whah he’s doing, he’s not stupid.

I hate it and yet, I kind of enjoy it at the same time because he’s around, but I want more from him, I want so much more.

What do I do if I meet someone new? I mean I’m not in a committed relationship with this man, but there may potentially be someone else. How do I know this new guy may not be the best thing that’s ever happened to me, yet my mind goes back to this one guy with the idea of, maybe he’s coming around and might want more too, but isn’t exactly sure how to tell me, or anything.

I’m sure I sound like a total idiot, but I guess I am giving you all a complete insight of how we discuss everything in our head. I know I think with my head and my heart, just trying to be careful about all of it.

I know I sound like a crazy person who can’t make us her F’ng mind about anything when it comes to him.