I chose the word free to represent a sense of Freedom that I feel in my life. Webster’s Dictionary defines Freedom as a noun, the quality or state of being free such as: absence of necessity, liberation, independence, and or maybe being exempt. I pulled this word from a feeling I had today. For the first time in a very long time I actually feel free in my heart. My mind is totally clear, focused on what is important in my life, and my heart is actually following along. It’s like they are finally walking hand in hand together. It is the most amazing feeling in the world.
I say this because it feels like I’ve had a major breakthrough emotionally that had me holding onto a shred of hope, when there really was no need. Yes, I am fully aware that the hope string was severed a long time ago, but like a normal human being (or I hope) it took me a long time to see it, and to get there. It happens, sometimes people take longer to find their path in life, meaning, or even purpose of why someone was in it, and why they left it.
We go through heartache at different moments in our lives. Depending on how the situation happened it can leave a lot of unresolved issues. Now, again this does depend on the type of relationship, how it all ended, and what kind of relationship the people have. I can honestly say it was a great relationship, until the end, and at times it was still beyond unsteady. Very satisfying in so many ways, but still beyond unsteady. No ones fault, it’s just life.
I have new goals for myself now. One’s that do no include him in anyway. I will always be polite to him, after all we started out as friends. Who says you can’t be nice to an ex. It truly depends on the person. I have to stay focused on the newest season of my life. Finding a full time job (still looking, but praying about it), going back to school, I hope to take one class at KU and the other will have to be online (I seriously dislike Math), and keep my part time job. I will have zero time for any kind of relationship.
My dream is to finish school and graduate! I want to feel like I accomplished something that was all mine. I may not have many people to celebrate this victory that is heading my way, but when the day comes it will happen, and I am so excited. I am still hoping and praying that I can win this appeal for financial assistance so that I may have the opportunity to finish what I’ve halfway started.
The other goal of mine is to actually FINISH my novel! I currently have one big one, and two small ones in the works. I’d love to be published, I want to create a series from one entire set, but little ones to accompany them as well. Who knows if anyone will ever read them, but I want to make them right, interesting, fun, and full of hope/love.
I need to keep doing what I am doing, taking my life one step at a time, and moving forward with leaving past things and issues behind me. I will always be polite to the past, because it has made me who I am. It has opened my heart to possibilities that I didn’t know existed, along with so much hope for a happier life.
Closing doors doesn’t require someone to be mean, it just requires you to be honest with yourself. The instant you do that the better you will be. Taking in that big deep breathe, and letting it out helps cleanse your soul.
Think about that my friends. How do you feel when you FINALLY feel free from all kinds of things in your life? Do you try to make better choices, walk a better line in life? or Do you just figure it out day to day?