When it comes to your life I want you to think about it, truly think about it. Would you have made this choice, or that one. Would you have tried to fix something that was broken or completely let it go?
I think for some people it depends on their situation. I’ve never based my life on what is going on, it’s more of what I need to do just to survive. I make mistakes, but with those mistakes I know I learn from them and move on. I do the best I can to really let go of things that have effected me in a way that just breaks my heart.
The problem is when you think about those mistakes and they play in your mind at times when you don’t want them or need them to, your heart hurts a bit. The best way to deal with that is to close your eyes, take a deep breathe and keep moving. The worst thing to deal with is regret.
We all have it, but I think sometimes it depends on what type of regret. I regret not being braver at the time to tell my parents to basically F off when I wanted to pick my own degree in college. I regret goofing off as well. Lessons learned with that one, it caused a lifetime of issues that I didn’t think were going to effect me in a way that if I could I would totally redo everything education wise and do what I wanted.
Relationships have always been a sore subject for me. The first one I do and I don’t regret. He was a good guy, never really mean, but just couldn’t keep it in his pants. He was always playing with some groupie that was hanging out at the baseball field. The second one, well I should have walked away from the start. I’m pretty sure if he and I would not have gotten together my life would have been totally different. I’m sure I would have stayed in my apartment longer, kept my job while looking for something better and closer to home. I wouldn’t have been in so much debt, but at the same time I would have been so focused on school that I probably would have had a better direction than where I am now. He was not my typical guy that I ever would have dated. You will never hear me say one bad thing about the most recent guy. Just the lack of communication was my biggest problem. We communicated so beautifully in other ways, but other than that, there never will be anything else wrong with him.
I know we should never place people and things in a “pedestal” but to be honest with him, he’s kind of on one. Definitely not too high, but to a level where now I know what I am looking for and what I am wanting, plus not to mention what I deserve in a partner. No, I still do not see myself ever getting married. My family have been able to make it a running joke, but someone committed to me.
I’m not an easy person to love, let alone care about. I have this unbelievable ability to drive people who I care about away from me. It is something in the way my mental crazy spills out. I realized a man can’t handle it.
That is why I ask, if you could change things, no matter what it is, would you?
Would you want to fix a broken family, marriage, relationship with someone you love, best friend, what or who? Is it even possible after so long. Do you even want to go down that road again? Now, if the ending could be different would you take that chance? Maybe risk being happy or totally miserable?
I often think that if I could go back to when I was 18, having some of the knowledge that I have know of how my life would turn out, I know I would make better choices especially with my education. I know I’d be around different types of men, but then again there I can’t say that I wouldn’t end up with something similar to what I’ve had in the past, just a different level of class for one of them (ex number 2). I also think that if I met ex number 3 in somewhat of the same settings and had my life together, maybe, just maybe things would have been different for us, but then again I think not all at the same time.
I want you to take a moment, really stop and think about your life and where it has been, where it is going, and also what your goals are. If anything could change past, present, to help you with your future to make it look better, or be better, would you?