Now what?

Do you ever ask yourself this question? I know I do when it comes to almost every single spot in my life, especially when I don’t know what direction I’m supposed to go, or what I’m supposed to think.

I lean on my Faith to keep my going, but since I am always questioning my existence it tends to leave me with this now what thought lingering in the back of my mind.

Do you wait to ask yourself that when things are going great in your professional life, or in your personal life?

For your professional life, do you ask “Now What?” When you’ve reached a certain level or do you ask when you are stuck? I hope you always want to be more than before, or more than the previous chapter that is your life. How do you reach it? I always struggle with this because I know better, I know I need to make better choices, yet I seem to always screw up at some point. The question I often ask myself is, when will that stop? When will I just let it go and leave well enough alone and just live my life. Do you struggle with making the right decisions?

Now, the fun part is relationships. This seems to be a never ending cycle of, “Now What?” or “What in the heck am I doing?” I often smack myself on my forehead to wake myself up because when all I am getting are tiny bread crumbs of interest from a particular person, it’s great! I mean it’s amazing when we are together. I can breathe and relax. We can both laugh at things. Yet, when it’s gone and I get dead silence it messes with my brain and my heart.

Trying to separate the two are hard, do you have the ability to do that? I’m interested to know how. I’m not great with it. I distract myself with my life (not hard to do) but at the same time when I feel like things are moving along, or something I feel the emptiness and also some of the loneliness starts to seep in. I stop myself from reaching out to him for anything. I’m on the fence when it comes to dealing with him.

Any suggestions or ideas would be great, I know people would say, just stop, don’t answer his texts or whatever, ignore him. Honestly it’s the hardest thing I could ever do. I’m the happiest chick in the world when I am with him, then again I’m also the most miserable chick too without him.

I definitely need help. Lol!