This is how I am feeling. You know they say things always happen in threes? Deaths, relationships, divorces, and more. It always happens in threes. I can honestly say I’ve hit my third and final relationship allowance.
I’m officially taking myself out of the game entirely. I don’t want it anymore. I’m done hoping and praying that someone will want to work things out, or praying that God will bless me with the right man.
I think anymore it’s overrated! All of it! When your heart hits this final number it starts to become sad. Your life, your concept of dating and relationships become a total joke that you just play with people for the fun of it. String them along or just f&$*% with their head.
I’ll be honest I was accepting my life being single before the last guy came along. I was just living day to day, never worried about having to please someone, just God and me. Then he happened, and to be honest I did it to myself. I started to like him, not love him. It takes a lot for me to truly love a man, but I really liked him. He made things fun, something new. All the little things I hoped for started coming to light and I was happy. Truly happy for the first time ever. I let my guard down. I mean I knew I would never marry him, it wasn’t the end goal of what I wanted, but to be happy was. Boy did I f’up that one majorly bad. I think that messed it all up, just wanting to be happy with him.
Again it really was my fault, I had hope. He gave me a reason to get up in the morning, learn how to make coffee, smile, and look forward to the weekends or our little events during the week. When in reality I was something he just wanted once, and be done with.
When will I ever learn this. I’m smarter than this. I’ve decided that I’ve hit my final at bat, no more hits. I’m done! I always seem to get struck out at the plate of life just trying to make it. I mean I get up to bat, get a good hit and I run to first base, make it to second base, then I stumble and a million road blocks are in the way. It all comes crashing down before I make it to third base. Now home plate looks like it has totally vanished or maybe went up in flames! I have this image of the guy standing at home plate with the gas can and a match, he pours out the liquid, and as he tells me, “It’s over” the match gets its spark and it’s on! “Burn baby, burn!” Laughing like the “Grinch” from “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” (the Jim Carry version.)
I honestly have no idea what I have done to deserve any of it. Maybe I’ve got sucker written on my forehead, or stamped across my ass. The “want ad” reads:
Single, Hispanic, female. Lost soul, but a good kisser. She is loud, and funny. Can laugh at herself, but makes an idiot of herself often. She says what she thinks and feels, beware has a cat, lots of family, and often doesn’t know what she’s doing. Key terms: Hot Mess, Emotionally dependent, doesn’t know when it’s completely over because she lacks self esteem/confidence/ and hell even self respect to know what is what. Beware!!!
That’s why I think I say I am officially taking myself out of the game of relationships. You all can have them! I’m not too worried about sex either, it’s hit or miss at times, and well my score card is kind of lame in this one. It was one time when it was totally worth clinging on, but it’s time to let it go. It’s just another thing that isn’t needed.
I’ll just go back to my life of living it alone with my cat Oscar. Ignore any man in my future. I quit trying, I quit it all!
Again, three strikes, I’m out!