Real Life

Rock Bottom

Have you ever been there? I’m pretty sure some of you have no idea what I am talking about. It’s the worst place to be for someone who has so much potential to have a better life. If you know what I mean, I’d really love to know how you were able to change it around? It seems that I constantly hit a major brick wall or a door that will not open for anything.

I am currently at my lowest of low in my life. It isn’t the best place to be when you are trying to survive. Taking each day, moment by moment. I’m hopeful that something will change, that the right door will open, that the right moves will be made. I have faith it will happen. Knowing that I am still struggling to just breathe. It isn’t easy, but because it’s all I’ve ever known for myself I’ve come to accept it, think Stockholm syndrome.

What would you consider your lowest moment? or even the lowest part of your life? I will say this again and again I’ve had a few. I’m not proud of them at all, and yet I get back up and keep moving. The hardest part right now for me is finding a job, the right job. One that will help pay bills, and eventually get out of my parents house. Yes, I may live with my cousin, but to be honest I’d have silence, and time to think, breathing room, and with my luck any job I get I will definitely do the best I can to keep up with all my Volunteer work, and getting back to exercising. I need to do that!

I’ve missed out on so much of myself that I’m slowly seeing myself accept my life as it is. Empty, lost, afraid, and unloving. I am sure some people will dispute that, and honestly I thank you for that, but your not inside my head. You can’t look through these eyes, and you are definitely not walking in my shoes. When you reach the end of who I am, and what I am all about, through my eyes it is really sad. Again, my own fault.

What are the best ways to rebound? I’m job hunting, looking for something good. I’m talking to every phone interview I get, and every face to face job interview. Some were just uncomfortable, and some I knew were just not right, others I had hoped for something to happen, but it was a no go.

Again, this is where faith comes in. I’m living my life as best as I can, not having any distractions, but definitely trying to stay busy. I can’t think of someone, how would I feel if he reached out to me, made time for me, or even wanted to try again. When in reality I should have known better. Again, nothing mean or hateful towards him, he was being his amazing self. Honestly, I appreciate it more than he could have ever known.

The thing that comes to mind about hitting rock bottom is that you are truly left all alone in your world. No one to talk to, no one to hold you and tell you that everything will be alright. It’s just you trying to climb some sense of a mountain that is your life so that you can have some peace. All those thoughts, views, absences, and quiet moments speak louder than you could have ever imagined, and they don’t go away. They don’t leave the darkest corner of your mind. They linger over you, waiting for you to crack, to break down just so it can keep attacking you. It’s like a dark cloud that is constantly over you, never allowing you the chance to be in the light or to find happiness.

How does one over come it? What do you do to try to get rid of the darkness that lingers in your life? Mine seems to have a victory every now and then, it really does depend on the season of my life. The inevitable rug always gets pulled out from under me, or are you one of those lucky individuals who has no clue as to what I am talking about? Good for you, keep your life that way. Never let the darkness seep through, it can mess up your entire cosmic being.

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