What do you believe in?
I ask this question because so many people believe in so many different things. I believe there is a God, his son Jesus Christ lived and died for my sins and the sins of the world. However, I do believe in signs, fate or destiny (whichever you prefer) that work all together for a positive or negative impact of life. In my mind I see God working with the universe that He created to help me on this journey that is my life.
I do believe that he created me to have the personality that is a dreamer, a forgiving one as well. Remaining true to myself, yet understanding with a heart. I also believe that challenges are created to give me obstacles that test me and my strength to know just who to lean on when I need it. Do you have that?
I look at my life and I say, “Yes, I am totally disappointed in it. I’ve got no one to blame but myself. The good thing is, at least I freaking know it.” I accept it and move on, praying that the right doors will open to give me a better life.
When it comes to relationships with people, that tends to be complicated. I’m so used to being around a lot that I love to talk, laugh, and get to know someone. I hope to find something special about them, that thing that makes them unique to me. I always find that totally enduring. It keeps them so real to me.
A relationship with a man is a totally different story. Not exactly sure why I seem to fail in this area. I say that because majority of men and women are already married, with kids, a solid job, and a mortgage. Maybe also getting a divorce, and meeting someone new. Who knows, but the one thing I’ve realized is, that I am not opposed to meeting someone. I’m not sure how it will work out, but I’m always hopeful that he will want to take this journey with me.
The end goals vary. The first guy in my life I was young. I knew he was a player, but I hoped I could change him, joke was totally on me. The second guy, well that was interesting. He was so different, but in the end turned out to be a total mess. Worst than me. The next one was really perfect. Kind heart, considerate, funny, handsome, charming, witty without even trying. It was all so natural to him. He checked off all I’ve ever wanted in a man. I knew he could protect me if it came to it, keep me safe, and also very trustworthy, but the end goal for that relationship wasn’t what I expected.
I knew the first one was going to end in total disaster, but I had hope it would change. In the end I’m thankful for the experience and growth. The second one, well I should have known better. Honestly he wasn’t my type at all. I was settling for the attention. The third one was special, one of a kind. No complaints really, just wish for a better chance or even an opportunity to make it work no matter the ups and downs.
The thing I’ve come to realize is, everything truly happens for a reason. I’m hopeful that maybe with a break from us, and a chance to regroup my life, make changes that will have a positive impact, who knows what will happen. I also think I may stay single for a very long time, yet again. It’s a pattern for me. It’s every 7 or 8 years that I seem to meet someone new. I honestly hope not, but then again I always say, “God knows what He’s doing, I leave it all to him.”
What about you? Who do you turn to for answers or signs? What do you believe in?