Funny thoughts

Day One

When you start your life over (again, or for the millionth time) does it feel like any other day, or does it feel like it’s a new day? I’m always stuck with idea. I sometimes don’t really know.

My mind is clearer, heart is still beating, but it’s numb. I have a sense of clarity, but keep myself guarded in so many ways. I do the best I can to be happy even though a piece of me is empty. How do you do that? How do you move on?

I’m learning every second of the day to not think about him, to not think about the crap that is my life. I am trying to stay busy, find a new job, and read my Bible daily.

Are you fortunate to move onto the next person with no problem? What are your questions or qualifications? Do you have any?

I know I’ve said this many times, I just want to be happy. I want to feel safe. The idea that when I’m with a good man, who knows who he is, what he’s all about, and can keep the ugly demons away. It makes all the difference. The world seems lighter and happier than before. I’m not looking for a “white knight” they don’t exist.

As you can tell I’ve given this a lot of thought. Being a Pisces, I have a tendency to live inside my head. I want someone who can center me, ground me, and laugh with me.

This isn’t easy, I know for a fact that I’ll want to break, but I can’t. I want to be chased now. I want there to be a reason he wants me. I want to be important, a priority, and mixed in with his life. I also want someone who can deal with family. I love mine, but they drive me insane! I need someone who can give me silence when I’m around crazy people all the time.

I also want him to walk with me into my Church. Learn to walk this path with me. I know I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make him happy, yet I’m the one who gets burned.

The last thing I really want to do with all of this, is hardening my heart and mind from ever being happy, or never have hope to be happy. It’s all I’ve ever wanted.

How about you? What is your end goal?