Do you ever take stalk of your single life? or are you one of those fortunate souls who can break up with someone, take a moment to get yourself back together and start all over again with someone new.
I wish I had guts like that. I lack so much self confidence and self worth that I beat myself up constantly. I’m reminded daily of what I lack, nothing like it I tell you.
Do you take the time at the end of any relationship good or bad, to really think? Most people don’t, others do. I often wonder why I’m the lucky one who always ends up alone? My life is far from perfect, some of my family is totally crazy, and at times I seem to have a lot of things going on. I definitely do the best I can to not let it get to me, but I fail miserably.
What kind of relationship do you want? All I’ve ever wanted was to be with someone who makes me happy, can make me laugh, and can keep things simple. I know I’m totally repeating myself on this topic, but do you really think about it?
I know I’m not ready for marriage, I don’t want any children, but I’d like to share my time with someone who wants to spend time with me.
So here I am, 36 years old, with an 11 year old cat, living back home with my parents, taking care of my grandmother, and trying to not go crazy. I used to love my life. I used to look forward to seeing what it would bring me and it made me so happy. Yes, I was constantly broke, but I managed somehow. I miss all of that.
Now, I’m just praying to God that I can survive all of this crap yet again, but it’s Friday night and I’m home. Tomorrow I’ve got a large Volunteer thing I’ve got to be at, and yet again I’ll probably be here with my family and my cat. Trying to forget how wonderful my life was for just a moment.
I’ve gotten to the point of I have no freaking clue of what I am doing with my life. I’m just taking it day to day, it’s all my brain can handle right now. Besides, school doesn’t start back up for me until January 2018. Yeah!!!! (Sarcasm at its finest).
How do you deal? Does any of this make sense to you? I mean trying to not look at people around you, seeing their happy smiles and wanting to choke them. Nah, don’t want to get my hands dirty. I’m a snob about that.
How do you get out there again if you need to?