Ever wonder if someone misses you? Your face? Laughter? How you made them feel? All the little bits and pieces of emotion that they didn't want to even acknowledge when you were together.
It goes through my mind too. When that happens I have to step back, close my eyes, do the best I can to not cry, or even show any kind of emotion to the outside world, just keep it all locked in.
Shutting off those emotions and memories make the ending seem far more real than it could ever be. However, when you can't escape them (in a positive way, not evil way) it tends to mess with your head and emotions. You lean on what you know because there is not enough ice cream or wine in the world to help you forget how they made you feel for that small moment. Ignore the happiness, the warmth of their smile, and the way you felt your skin come to life when they touched you.
Again, block it out. Watch some crazy movie or find a new T.V. show or catch up on one you've been missing out on, and figure yourself out again. Sometimes your mind wonders, eventually asking yourself questions of, "What if?"
I love the "What if?" game, because honestly that is what it is. "What if" that person ever grows up and wants another chance? Do you give it to them?? "What if" they enjoy seeing you in pain because of all those happy moments flash through your head? Try not to blush around them, they can never know what your thinking. The worst part is, "What if" they want you back just as much as you wanted to take them back months ago, do you give them a 3rd, 4th or even a 5th chance? I'm thinking no, because they blew up the 2nd chance like it didn't even matter to them at all because they got you right where they wanted you, in their bed and nothing more. Makes you feel like a piece of meat, right?
The one thing you can't ever worry about when you are finally getting over someone is the "What if" because honestly if they wanted you back, they would work hard to get you back. If the person knows you, they would know how to make it happen. No excuses for being a chicken shit who sits on his/her ass just ignoring what was good. A person has to work for it, you want something, you work for it.
I pray about everything, it's in my nature. I reach for God first before I reach for anything else. It may not make any sense to you, but take a moment and really think of how often you would give an Ex a chance, after chance, after chance to make things right?
I've only done it once, I ended up getting burned. I won't ever do it again. One and done!