Real Life · Relationships

After thought…..

When a relationship ends, you have gotten past the hurt, pain, anger, frustration, and so on. What is left? I like to think of this as a “grace” period. You allow yourself to mentally, emotionally, physically, and even spiritually go through all these levels of just different emotions when dealing with the end of what was a really good relationship.

Do you try to stay friends with your ex? I mean, not like Bff’s, but just be polite to one another if you ever run into each other in public kind of thing. I would hope so. I know I do, (excluding the other two ex’s. One will never be in KC again, and well the other I hope he’s in jail) I mean we acknowledge each other, but we will never again be the same. The laughter, jokes, and secret inside stuff that made us unique, the “spark” per se will never be there again. I respect him, he’s a good man, but it still hurts my heart a tiny bit that we just couldn’t make it. Then again lessons learned with this one.

I, on the other hand am a total mess. I own it though. I laugh about it because honestly if a man really truly took the time to be with me, he’d see that I am a good person, but just a hot mess every now and then. Some men don’t want to deal with women who have depression, but some do and it is amazing. I’ve realized with spending time talking to a Therapist that I really need to make sure I focus on what I deserve in a relationship. We all do.

I told her that sometimes I wish I could go back to over a year ago and just ignore all signals, but at the same time I am thankful for the experiences I had with my ex. She just smiled and said, “Maybe now you will see that you deserve more. There is nothing wrong with a guy setting the standards in a positive way, just do not be blinded by them, learn from the heartache too.” I basically took that as, well my ex set some standards for how I want to be treated, and also how I do not want to be treated. Fully understand that one Captain. 

Think about where you and your ex went wrong. Did you fix them before you started a new relationship or did you continue being a hot mess? For me if I ever get into a new relationship, I will be totally honest with the guy about who I am, but at the same time listen and accept him for who he is. Communication is very big with me. It’s part of who I am as a person, my faith is even bigger. There has to be something there for it to all work.

What are your own after thoughts when a relationship ends? I go through many emotional and mental evaluations within myself. I mean we all have to heal. Some take longer than others because we cared more, just depends on where we are in the relationship. Who knows, only you do. Think about it because how you manage a relationship ending will help you when a new one begins. Learn from those mistakes, learn from what your now ex showed you, the good and bad.

For each relationship I exit, I always learn something from them. First relationship I ever had, I learned to never deal with cheaters, athletes, playboys, and groupies. Second relationship I ever had, No drug addicts, liars, thieves, and mama’s boys. Third relationship, I learned that I deserve to be respected, have fun, laugh, enjoy life. I wish there was more communication, but it was the simple things that made it different.

I know with each one of these lessons maybe, just maybe I will eventually get lucky and have the right guy in my life. What about you?